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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have known this man for about 4 years now, he is
a very important person and friend to me. We are
always there for one another! The thing is, about
two years ago we slept with each other, and it
seemed a big mistake.
I never spoke to him about this nor did he. I felt
for 2 years that he did not even remember. He is a
beautiful, warm, gentle man, (not leaving out sexy).
I am a strong person so I did not let this get to me
I put it off. Until about 3 weeks ago I went to visit him.
This was my first time going to his house. (He
always came to visit me). We had a great night. We
Îhung outâ and talked about old times.
He brought i up, I was so shocked that he had thought
Iâd forgotten what had happened 2 years ago. We
talked, and by about 2am we went to bed. (I thought
that is what was going to happen). We ended up sleeping
together again.
I can't put this off anymore, I love this man, and I just
don't know how to tell him or even if I should. I don't want
to lose any part of our friendship. I would do anything for
him, we have a strong friendship *more now* and I
know that we both respect one another. I just feel
that I need to tell him this, I feel that it would
be fair. I don't expect him to say ÎI love youâ back
or, Îletâs get marriedâ, or anything. I just want to
know if I should let him know how I feel before my
feelings go any further. What should I do? I plan
to see him again on the 19th. HELP?!?! Thanks
A - Dear Miracle,
What should you do? Well, what you SHOULDN'T do is risk creating a new life and turning any plans you have for your future on their heads. Are you risking more than just the friendship? You bet you are! (Please, go read the letter on Hepatitis 3 and other sexually transmitted diseases)..... Now, I KNOW sex is more fun than just about anything, however, youâve got a great deal at stake here.
If this fellow is REALLY your friend,unless youâre willing for the relationship to evaporate at some point, you might want to give ALL the consequences of your behavior some thought. Miracle, if you can get naked with a guy, you should also be able to TALK about your behavior with each other.....your behavior and what itâs implications are. THATâS called Îbeing a responsible personâ. Donât just wander into a situation, and hope to avoid unforeseen consequences.
Just what are YOUR plans for YOUR future? DO they include marrying this man?
(Or is Îcasual sexâ ok with you?) Are you taking care to get yourself a really good education so you can fulfill YOUR potential in the world? (These questions sound SO boring, but, Miracle, pretend youâre 65 and looking back over your life, just what is it that YOU will want to have done.......of what will you be most proud?)
Yes, *sex* feels wonderful.....itâs intended to, however, it can REALLY play havoc with your good sense. At 20, you sound like a thoughtful young lady............think this through further, youâve already *fallen in love* with him! (This is how young women justify having a sexual relationship outside of marriage, by the way).
ăBut I LOVE himä is how a lot of young women justify a LOT of things......be careful, Miracle, this is YOUR life youâre playing with here......and youâre risking more than the friendship......remember, youâre risking becoming pregnant as well.......
- Annabelle
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