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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I really want a serious relationship, but I'm not sure exactly how to go about it. I sometimes daydream about having relationships with famous people. Not necessarily celebrities like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise or anything like that. Just people that I see on television or read about in the paper, magazines, etc.
Sometimes, I honestly think that I could
meet these people and strike up a relationship.
I haven't been intimate with a man in over 7 months.
I'm young, attractive, and intelligent, but since
I've graduated from college I just feel that I'm
not attractive any longer or that any guy wants me.
A - Dear Anne,
The best help I-- or anyone else -- can offer is to tell you what you already know. ( You already know it, or you wouldn't have written your letter).
You say you Īdon't know how to strike up a serious relationship, and haven't
been intimate with a man for over 7 monthsā. You don't suggest that whatever
happened just over 7 months ago was a first or occurence or a rare one. So,
I assume that, until just over 7 months, ago you were more-or-less-happily doing what comes naturally to "attractive and intelligent" women in their mid-twenties.
Then you were graduated from college and everything changed. You retreated from men to daydreams of men. Now, daydreams are fine, up to a point. That's what books and plays and movies and television --and, yes, even some parts of the internet -- are all about. However, you seem to realize that you're passing that point. ĪSomethingā happened when you were graduated from college. You may have had a bad experience with your last college boyfriend. You may have gone to an out-of-town college and been traumatized by returning to your family. You may just be resistant to Īgrowing upā in general. The possibilities are literally endless .....and not mutually exclusive. I can't tell from your letter what actually is the case.
I can tell two things: First, you realize you've become addicted to gratifying yourself with *risk-free fantasy*, and you don't know how to get back to the, admittedly
unpreditcable, but delightful touchy-feely "real" world. Second, jump-starting your life will take more help than a posting on a web-site can provide.
A consultation with a good therapist definitely seems called for. Contact your county medical society or psychological association for referrals. The sooner, the better.....while Īreal lifeā sometimes hurts, the stuff that DOES feel good is REAL!
- Annabelle
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