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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I was recently on birth control pills to regulate my menstrual cycle because I didn't menstruate for about 3 years. I was on these pills for about a year. During that year, my boyfriend and I were apart at different colleges and maintained good communication and stayed together.
However, when we came back home for the summer vacation, there was a lot of tension and anxiety between us, or at least within me. I didn't, and still don't understand it, but somehow, my mind just starts thinking bad thoughts when there's no reason.
My boyfriend is my best friend and I can tell him anything. We talk about everything and we care about each other very much. Most of the time, it's like we're just buddies, and I love him very much. At the same time, I know that he loves me and he's never done anything to show me that he doesn't care.
At the same time, because I know him and we've been friends for so long, (we went
to school together...I knew him from the 5th grade), I feel confident that I know how he thinks and what he values...basically we're just really good friends and I trust him.
The problem is that my ex-boyfriend was not very good to me and we weren't friends. That relationship ended very badly..this was about 3 years ago. so, what does this have to do with the birth control pills? Well, before I was on the pill,
I was more rational and I was able to accept my boyfriend as he is, and I never got him
confused with my ex.
Since I'd been on the pill, though, I started thinking that my boyfriend doesn't love me and he doesn't want to talk to me and that I'm a burden for him. I know and realize that this all dates back to my relationship with my ex, but I can't seem to stop thinking these irrational thoughts. so, finally I decided to get off the pill because I thought that it might have something to do with it...you know...hormones.
So, I"m off of them, and I've been off them for about a month. About 2 weeks ago, I finally started feeling like myself, but now again, I'm having those same doubts and bad feelings. This isn't me, and I don't know how to stop thinking like this. Is it still hormonal and could it be that my body is still adjusting?
Why is it that women's moods and outlooks on reality get so distorted when it's about time to menstruate? That has always confused me, and I wonder if there's any way in which we can try to better control our thoughts, and not let our hormones get the best of us. I feel really bad because I know that my boyfriend gets really confused when I get like this, and i don't know how to make things better.
A - Dear Emily,
Ahhh, the many delights and perplexities of being female! You are very observant for being 20, and very thoughtful too. Iām going to assume that, not only do you have a competent physician who is helping you through this, but that you either have discussed, or will discuss, this situation with him/her as well.
Though it is most certainly possible that the pills were causing, or at least Īenhancingā your disturbing thoughts, it is also possible that you have a cycle that simply creates the opportunity for your inner concerns to become more conscious during the month. It is always wise to notice how you Īfeelā during any given point in your cycle so you can use a kind of self-shorthand reference, as in, Īoh, Iām having these feelings because it's likely that Iām being influenced by...ā , you know, that sort of awareness.
Now, there are so many things interplaying here that Iām quite unable to untangle this for you and can best recommend that you find yourself a competent psychologist to spend a few weeks or months exploring what unconscious feelings may be creating the pattern that you are observing.
Your earlier relationship where you were treated badly can be deconstructed so you will set in place an understanding to avoid its repetition, and your current relationship can be understood in clearer terms......as in, if you DO like being treated well, as you evidently are, isnāt it clinically interesting that Īfeelingsā are coming up that are disruptive to the -- you believe -- Īgoodā relationship?
At 20, you are still young and malleable enough to intercept and re-form your belief and reaction pattern. Best to attend to it now before it becomes more firmly ingrained!
- Annabelle
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