|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
We started our relationship about 2 months ago. She's 22 and I'm 24. It is my first time but not for her. Recently, she told me that she finds it difficult to find topics to talk about. (It isn't as if she much to say before that anyway). The silence is hurting me deeply. Sometimes I wonder if she really cares.
If she does, don't words just comes Înaturallyâ? Perhaps I'm not that approachable of a person. How to I make myself more approachable? I really feel communication is very important and I want to know more of what's on her mind. We've talked about this. Well, actually, most the time I'M talking.
She so quiet. Whenever I ask her what on her mind, she'll say she don't know.
A - Dear Andrew,
That she Îfinds it difficultâ to have things to talk about may not bode well for the relationship, (although you never really know at the beginning). It just could be that sheâs never had good conversational Îtrainingâ. Good conversational skills can actually be learned and are not, (always), a function of oneâs personality.
Iâm going to assume that she does, indeed, Îlikeâ you and would be otherwise amenable to continuing your relationship. Now, thereâs a simple way to encourage conversation. Itâs the H.E.L.P. method taught to preadolescent children at some Îmannersâ classes in the United States.
H. Health, hobbies
Ask about her, or her families, general health, i.e., ÎHow are you (your mother, father), feeling today. Is your/her/his cold better?â)
Ask about things she loves to do with her Îextraâ time.....playing cards, walking in the park, art projects, whatever.
E. Education. Ask her about her or her families educational process, likes/dislikes about teachers, subjects, past educational experiences, etc.
L. Lifestyle. Ask about HOW she either does enjoy, or would enjoy living....even a Îfantasyâ lifestyle. ÎHow would you live if you were a movie starâ might work.
P. Plans for the future. This could range from the possibility of the two of you taking care of (your) grandchildren....! ......to ÎWould you like to go to get an ice cream with me?â
Now, if questions of a Îtoo personalâ nature would include asking about anyone in her family, you would not do that, but this outline should give you some idea of ways to Îframeâ a non-threatening line of questioning.
If it turns out that she, after knowing you for a period of time simply ISNâT good a conversationalist and that this is important to you, you might consider that life is long and, with no one to talk with over the years, you can get awfully lonely. May I assume that there are other young ladies toward whom you could turn your affections?
- Annabelle
|
