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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I'm so frustrated with my self. I have just admitted to myself that I have a problem badly needing to be fixed. I am in a loophole of sorts. Every time I meet a guy worthy of a relationship I dive right into everything. I mean Everything. I haven't been with a lot of guys, fewer than the fingers on one hand. Out of the five men I've been with,
I've had a relationship with two. The other three incidents were with "bad apples." I'm
scared that this behavior is going to hurt me physically and emotionally. I feel trapped in this cycle, though.
To the bone of the problem: I can't make it past the second date without having sex with potential mates. I tried to stop myself the last time, warned the man that I wanted a platonic relationship, but it didn't help. I am the type of person that sinks into the deep end of a relationship as soon as I meet someone I know will be around for a long time.
Sadly, when I have gotten into these relationships, all of the fun things such as wining and dining seem to disappear. What can I do to stop this behavior, and give myself a chance to just date someone before we go crazy in the bedroom.
What are some things I can do during a date to stop myself when things get hot. I melt
with even a kiss sometimes!
A - Dear Amanda,
Yikes!......you DO have a problem.....and youāre smart to realize it. Your problem is, (likely), twofold. You have a highly developed need for bodily contact, (Īskin hungerā, itās sometimes called), and a highly erotic nature, (actually a fabulous component in the right context), combined with a frightening lack of impulse control.
I VERY seriously recommend that you find a GOOD psychologist with whom you can work this through. He/she will help you set in place Īstopsā for yourself to avoid putting yourself in precarious situations. You sound as if you have a thrill-seeking component as well and could do some serious damage, not only to your reputation, but to your health and to your entire future.
Being a sexual adventurer may work, (somewhat), for a guy, but for a female itās, usually, very, very bad indeed. (Unfair...YES!....but true, nonetheless). I mean you donāt see Hillary catting about.
By the way, that Īthe wining and diningā stops is an indicator that youāve REALLY picked the wrong man! There are studies showing that the most desirable women, (in the bedroom), are often somewhat overweight. Care to guess why? Right! All that wining and dining by those lucky guys who know JUST HOW TO TREAT such a treasure!
Now, you havenāt got enough life experience to discern whoās good for you and whoās not......you WILL be taken advantage of. Life is complex, and, while sex is lovely, the way youāre expressing your sexuality is NOT in YOUR best interest. As I said, go work this through with a good psychologist...........you have a wonderful future if you can learn the Īappropriate timeā for such adventures.
- Annabelle
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