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Q - Dear Annabelle,
This may be a bit long, but I think you need to know the full details to understand why I am confused and lost.
About 2 months ago, I kissed my long time friend. (In an effort to start a relationship with her). Most of the time I just thought of her as a Īgood friendā. But I have developed feelings for her over the past year.
Anyway, we started dating and did the BF and GF things. But it only lasted three weeks. Then all of a sudden, she backed off. As I found out, her "ex" lived with her and her family, (family does not know of relationship with him).
When he found out that I was dating her, he made some comments and commitments to her. That was why she stopped dating me but it has not stopped her from seeing and talking and paging me.
There is a catch. She tells me she still cares and likes me a lot. I've been her dream man during the 3
weeks, (affectionate & caring, etc.),. But she never thought that I would be Īthatā person. Furthermore, she still likes her ex, (even though he's put her aside several times). She has even told me that she has 50/50 feelings him. She doesn't know if she has feelings with him that are deep enough. Since she has seen the grass on my side is greener.
She wishes that he would move out so she can see if she still is interested in him. Anyway, she has asked that I give her some space to think. Initially,I tried but it was very hard. Only within the last two weeks was I able to do that. But she is
now the one contacting me. I try to leave it as Īfriendsā and let her have her space. But she is the one calling... What can I do? I want her back. But I feel that if I am still around I may push her further to him. And I feel that if I do nothing, she will still go to him, thinking that I don't care. It looks like a lose-lose situation.
Please help tell me what to do. Her b-day is coming up and I want to send her a card and flowers..but I don't know if I should.
A - Dear Dennis,
Well, you sound like a nice, thoughtful young man with a very difficult problem. Iām rather put off that the womanās parents would allow her to have an unmarried male living in their house.....thatās odd in itself.
At 29, youāre of a reasonable age to set firm boundaries for the situation. She has an attraction to a less available male, (dads are usually Īunavailableā males and girl children often see that as their first Īloveā object....so this may be the problem here).
That you have Īfallen in love with your best friendā is just about exactly how one would want oneās love to develop....but thereās a Ītwistā here that I canāt quite get a handle on.
Tell her how you feel.....give her a deadline...and get on with your life. Somethingās wrong here and Iām not sure what it is. It does little good for me to tell you not to torture yourself over her, I can hear your pain.
Somethingās just wrong here.....itās really is that her family has allowed this situation. Donāt get caught up in it.
- Annabelle
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