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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My adoptive father, the only one I've ever known, has disowned me due to his new wife, who can't stand the sight of me, and I don't know what to do. He told my brother that he no longer cares of my whereabouts, or about me. He said that he no longer enjoys hearing my name around his home.
I'm wondering if there's a problem here, because I haven't spoken to my father in over 7 years, I still think of him as my dad. He used to be such a good father to me, and a few months ago, I sent him a sympathy card because his mom died, and I felt bad. It was the least I could do to support, because I haven't given up on him, enclosed inside the sympathy card was a mature letter. My father hasn't seen me since I was 19 years old, when he sent me a birthday card indicating that he no longer wants any type of contact with me. I admit, that hurt.
He's the only father I've ever known, I've always supported him when he married his 2nd wife, at first she was nice, then turned sour. She would try to get him mad. Could it be just plain jealously on her part, or does my father hate me now? I need help, I did
everything I could. I'm afraid to call him, his birthday was recently, I wanted so much to call him.
I love my Mom, we are close, I'd hate to hurt her, but I miss my adoptive father. Is there hope?? Every time I write, there's never a response. I feel that life is just too short. It seems that my relationships with me are affected because of this problem with my father.
A - Dear In Need Of Advice,
Ouch......of course you need your Îdadâ. Everyone Îneeds a dadâ and your situation is a sad one. What to do? Well, other than writing occasionally, with NO hope of a positive result......(and, by Îoccasionallyâ, I mean every six months or so), just a brief recitation of whatâs Înewâ in your life, your hopes, dreams, concerns, etc. PLUS and small statement of your caring for him and that you think warmly of the times you have had together.
Donât press, .........one day it MAY pay off.......then again, perhaps it wonât. Does he HATE you? No, I donât imagine that he does..........itâs more likely that he is either incomplete as a person, (some people are just Îthatâ way), or that heâs not currently in a place where he can Îlet inâ the love that you feel for him. I donât know, I only know that YOU are hurting, and understandably so.
Too, keep in mind that it DOES sound as if his wife....the one who controls his sex life......is possibly threatening him with no sex if he doesnât cut all ties with his first wife...and, somehow, you are a reminder of that past. That she is inappropriate, (and a less than admirable person, if this is true), doesnât lessen your pain. Men are pretty focused on whomever is currently in their bed....they donât want to lose that, and much pain can result to others who value their company.
One thing that is interesting about men, in general, is that, as they get much older, they Îreviewâ their life and relationships. He may yet come to see the value of your love and desire a relationship with you. I do hope it comes to that.......not only for YOUR sake, but for his, as well.
- Annabelle
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