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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I've been in a wonderful happy relationship with
the perfect guy for several months over two years.
He has never ever given me any reason not to trust him but
I really don't. I am always paranoid that he is going to
find someone else. How do I find faith in US?
A - Dear Jennifer,
Finding faith in "US" doesn't sound like your real problem. Stop just a moment and wonder why you've been "paranoid." (Those things don't just Îhappenâ). You say that yours is a "wonderful happy relationship with the perfect guy," .....and that you've been with him since you were nineteen.
I wonders what a "perfect guy" must be like. (You see, Iâve never met one). Does "perfect" mean the same to you at twenty-two as it did when you were nineteen? The rest of us have faults, ...........and we find significant others with faults. We learn to accept theirs, they learn to accept ours, so we learn to be relaxed and Îauthenticâ with each other, which is absolutely the only way two people can really love -- not just be infatuated -- and be happy together.
Just about now, I can hear you protesting, "You don't understand. I meant perfect for ME!" That, as they say, is a distinction without a difference. Either one is a myth.
Do YOU feel perfect? That would be unusual. And, if you don't feel Îperfectâ, you must wonder if you're worthy of him. That would be uncomfortable, and help explain your "paranoia" about other women. Who decided your guy is Îperfectâ, you, him, both of you? Whatever the answer, that would be exhausting to live with,........ constantly afraid that one of you may slip and do something imperfect.
That might also explain your "paranoia" as a *hidden wish that something would happen to end the relationship and let you finally relax*. (When suspicions have no other probable cause, often the cause is that they hide Îsecret wishesâ.)
Try letting him come down from his pedestal. Settle for a "wonderful happy relationship" with an imperfect human being. Let him scratch when he itches. That way you may be able to relax and really enjoy being with him, instead of secretly wanting to be without him so you can relax and enjoy someone else. (Bye bye, secret wishes, bye bye, paranoia).
- Annabelle
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