|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I'm having a very rough time coping with a relationship ending that I didn't end. He broke it off with me for the second time, and now he tells me he wants to see me but only for a sexual relationship. He basically told me it's the only reason he was with me. I feel emotionally destroyed and I thought he wasâ the oneâ. Now I still care for him even though I know he's not a good person. HELP?
A - Dear Sandra,
OK, this is going to be very difficult for you but, if you WANT to do it, you can. The only thing is, that it may take a couple of YEARS to get over him, depending on your abilities. ( At least he was honest with you....thank heaven!) Some guys will lie about what they want. Now, YOU are going to want to fool yourself. DONâT. He has told you what is going on with him. YOU don't want to be alone......yet you must stop all contact with him NOW. (As dorky as this sounds...go and get a big rubber band and put it around your wrist.) EVERY time you think about him, snap the rubber band...you are now going to have a negative paired association. (This is going to seem really foolish, and will take almost 6 months to really work, but the only way to do this is to DO it)....and you might as well get going.
Breaking an emotional connection of this nature is terribly difficult...it generally takes about half the time of the actual relationship for you to get over having been IN the relationship..so donât beat yourself up if you canât detach any sooner. Take a look at what he said. He wants to *USE YOU*. Put this up on your mirror where you can see it every day. Every time you feel yearning for him, take a look at the note.....he wants to *USE YOU*. At the point where this is no longer appealing to you, the connection will break. Right now youâre operating in the âwhat if, ...if onlyâ stage, and this will do you no good at all. Hear what he said...*HE WANTS TO USE YOU*.
This hurts something awful, I know. HEAR WHAT HE SAID. Get very clear that crying is ok. In fact, you can cry if you feel like it. A good way to help the process along is to schedule a good cryfest every afternoon or evening. Cry until you can't cry anymore....and then cry for another fifteen minutes. (This is going to get annoying to you pretty quickly).....and it will help end the pain. Donât berate yourself. Begin to MAKE yourself cry. When it gets to the point when your Îcry scheduleâ is interfering with getting on with your life, youâre beginning to get past the problem. (Just donât inflict your angst on anyone else.) Now, ADD some good stuff in your life.....not only for something to do, but also just to increase your self respect. Learn a new skill, develop an aspect of your personality that youâve always Îbeen meaning toâ.....do it now, youâll be glad that you did.
Write down all of your feelings in all the gory detail......in a couple of years you can throw all this stuff away. The important thing to do is to take ACTION on our own behalf and NOT to burden anyone else with your Îstuffâ. Youâll make it...and have developed a whole new set of coping skills in the bargain. Good luck.......now, get going!
- Annabelle
|
