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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I recently became engaged after dating my fiance for 7 years.Ê Throughout our courtship I've remained friends with my ex.Ê I recently saw my ex over the holidays.Ê I have to admit it was really nice seeing him.Ê I know he isn't the person for me, but I
keep thinking about him.Ê
Ê
I keep telling myself I won't talk to him if he calls.Ê But I do.Ê Why do I still have these feelings after all these years.Ê Is this common?Ê Do I just need some form of closure with our relationship?Ê
Ê
Another thing that bothers me is that I want to ask my ex if he still cares about me?Ê I think deep down inside I want to be the one person he really cared about.
A - Dear Elizabeth,
You are not yet mature enough to enter into a marital relationship. You donât say how old you are, but the amount of Îunfinished businessâ you are carrying would damage any other relationship into which you got yourself. You arenât even clear who YOU are or what kinds of things lurk in your unconscious that would emerge to sabotage any relationship in which you entangle yourself. You have a form of ego diffusion that could use the serious help of a very good psychologist. With a year or so of hard, sometimes painful, (thatâs called Îgrowthâ), work, youâll be in a better position to link up with another person. Absent that, the situation you describe will, in one form or another, repeat itself throughout your life.
I know this sounds like a very harsh assessment, .....(do yourself a very big favor...and take it seriously). If you pride yourself on personal integrity and courage, and are willing to do the work of growth, by this time next year you will be a long way toward becoming an integrated personality with a lovely future............do you have the strength to commit to the building of your self?
- Annabelle
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