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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and five months .....until yesterday. We had been having problems for the past couple of months...off and on, but it just seemed to escalate recently as the weeks went by. One of the reasons for our break up was his religious affiliation, and mine. I am Catholic and he is Baptist. He once was Catholic, but then converted. Well, as the relationship prolonged, the more serious we were getting. I think that scared him, but he was looking at our relationship in matters of the long run...whether or not we would be together knowing that our different religions would stand in the way. So, he thought it was better to end it, all in all. I am hurt by this.
Everything was good for us. I find him to be a 10+ compared to any boyfriend I have ever had. We have had a history together and I cannot accept us being "friends", but we agreed it is what is best. I can't seem to cope though, because, in my eyes, he is an angel. What confuses me the most is this religion thing. I keep telling him that I am open minded and would be willing to attend his church, but not necessarily convert. Unfortunately, he won't ever come with me to church, because he isn't comfortable going to a Catholic church. He says if we ever stayed together to get married, he wants his family to attend the same church, not to have it divided. I want to know if you think there is any way I can save this relationship? Or should I give him time, considering how busy he is with school, work, and trying to reconnect his faith with the Lord. I am so lost...and hurt...and I want things to work. If I can do anything to make that happen, I will. We have never had any real problems. We have been faithful to each other the whole time. And what I like most about our relationship was how we started off as best friends. Can you help me???
A - Dear Jenn,
Youâre 21, and, at 21 have the energy of youth and the belief that anything can be worked out if you just believe strongly enough. Sometimes thatâs actually true....and this isnât one of those times. Itâs not as though you were a Presbyterian and he a Methodist.........Catholicism and Baptist are very very different forms of this religion. If you are willing to go to his church and truly understand their religious approach, there might be hope for the relationship. Remember, Christ said, ăIn My Fatherâs House, there are many mansionsä. I take that to mean that there is one God, and many ways of worshiping that God. However, if the way that you, and your own family feel about your way of worshiping the Lord is that Catholicism is the only way to go, then youâre pretty much stuck. While there will be other guys, you have only one family and you donât want to lose them over this.
I do have a friend from college, a Jew, who married a Catholic girl and, at the time they married everyone was up in a heavel and predicted disaster. Theyâre still married to this day and everything settled down on both sides of their families. They donât have children, so that was never a problem........however, in your case, your boyfriend has very clearly stated his intentions and it would be foolish for you to think that you could make things otherwise. It is very important that families have one religion....because trying times are coming and family strength and unity are the cornerstones of our very social structure.
I know that you want this fellow......and I do believe you when you say that he is a 10+. Youâre both going to have to pray about this, probably with your families as well. If there is a way, it will be found, just donât dismiss the real importance .....especially to him, of his religion. I donât know if you have yet had an epiphany about why it is that people are religious, or whether you are religious just because itâs what youâve been taught. It sounds as if your fellow has come to an understanding that, for him, is paramount for his life. This may break your heart, but you need to respect it.
- Annabelle
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