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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I met the guy I have come to fall in love with almost four years ago at my first college.
We were together about 6 months when the summer came and we had to go home. He lives in New Jersey and I in Maryland. Basically, I went back to school and he didn't so we thought it was over. Almost a year passed with some telephone contact but no physical, and the first night we hung out it was the exact same feeling. So he made the move back down to South Carolina, and we lived together for about 8 months until we both moved to his home town together. I left to come home for the summer. Now, here's my question. We both live in our home towns, we are both madly in love still, and we both want to be together again, but we've both already made extreme sacrifices for one another, (moving). Would it be wise for me to move back up to New Jersey once again to pursue this? I thought I was over him but I went to visit last weekend and it all came back for both of us. When should I just let it go and give up? I beg you to shed some light on this situation. Thank you.
A - Dear Kelly,
I apologize for the delay in answering, (the mail is sometimes overwhelming). Now, as I understand it you are asking me a question that I cannot really answer and that may already be moot. If youâre asking, Îdoes chemistry count?â, the answer is, of course it does.....however there are other considerations as well. At 20, youâre too young for a marital relationship and living with a guy to whom youâre not married is never a good idea....statistics have repeatedly shown that marriages falter more often, (if they even take place at all), in couples who live together before marriage.
If you want to be together again, let HIM do the moving. Regardless of what the feminists say, guys, (most guys), are, well....guys, and it is THEY who do the hunting. (Until we Îcatchâ them, of course). Let HIM do the work. The reason behind this is that, when a guy REALLY Îwantsâ something, or someone, he values it more when he had to work to get it...much as you do when youâve had to earn something of value to you. This factor, alone, can sustain a relationship through the difficult times......(and, of course, there are always difficult times).
There will always be other guys Îout thereâ for you to meet and your maturity curve is still on the rise, so donât be rushing into anything here. And, by the way, moving is NOT an Îextreme sacrificeâ......thatâs minor in the context of what CAN..and often does.....happen over the course of a marriage..........and THAT is why MATURITY is such an important component in any marital relationship.
- Annabelle
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