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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I met someone when a group of mutual friends got together for an evening, and we've kept in touch by email and phone due to us both living more than a couple hours apart. In the 2 months we've been talking I've come to find her fascinating, and have even thought that I'd like to pursue a serious relationship with her. The problem is I really started coming on strong lately, emailing one too many times, and telling her how I felt about her. I noticed her letters started getting rather distant, and it finally hit me what I had done.
We're supposed to meet this weekend for a "movie and coffee" date and more later on in the weekend (planned way before this). But now I'm worried about going too fast, too soon again and ending it completely. I don't even know if she's still looking forward to the date. Any advice for backing-off without letting-go, and to see if she's even interested?
A - Dear Matt,
Oh dear, Iâm sure everyone can relate to having done this....sigh. In life there are, sometimes, two kind of folk.....âdistancersâ and Îfusersâ. It just could be that, with this femme, youâre assessment is absolutely accurate. You could just say that you want to Îreturn to goâ and let her take it at her own pace.....that you donât want to crowd her. Actually, relationships that Îworkâ, work....and those that donât...donât. Don't lose sleep over this one...but do take a look at your attachment patterns to see if this is typical of your behavior when you like someone. If you find that you have the potential for Îanxious attachmentâ, you can deal with it with a psychologist. Then you will learn more appropriate patterns of relating. If this is just a one time thing because you were just quite taken with her...well, you can always just fess up.......sheâll probably be flattered. In any case, remind yourself always to Îslow downâ...it can save many an anxious moment.
- Annabelle
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