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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. Things have been wonderful... we have great communication, respect and understanding for each other. There is just one problem he has not told me that he loves me. The closest he has come is to say that he cares tremendously for me and that he would do anything for me, (from his actions, I really believe him).
I am not really sure why this should bother me for my heart tells me that he does love me. But because "the words" have not been said, I am afraid to say it to him, (at times I really wanted to)...Am I being overly concerned about this issue? After all, I know for many men, saying those three words are very hard for them. What is your advice on this?
A - Dear Kathy,
Well, this is an odd one......itās easy for me to say that, if he Īlovedā you he could say the words, but thatās not always the case. (I donāt want to cause you concern when there may be no cause for it.) Youāre about the right age to begin an earnest search for a life mate. Youāve been with him long enough to ask him where he sees the relationship going...........though that question can really spook a guy. Youāve got to decide just what it is YOU want. If you DO want to get married, then youād best ask him what his intentions are........otherwise youāre just letting you fool YOU.....(by not being straight with yourself and asking a direct question). If he does NOT want to marry you, then you need to be clear that the longer you spend with him, and, yes, I know itās nice to have a Īspecial someoneā in your life, the more others in your age group are getting on with their live and you may miss someone else whom you could love and who would love you.
Remember, thereās an excellent likelihood that, at the crucial four year old stage in your life, your dad, who really loved you, was just busy and unavailable and you are drawn to slightly undemonstrative and emotionally unavailable men. You wouldnāt be the first one, believe me. Just be aware of what your dynamics may be and that you ARE at the point where deciding what is in YOUR best interests is also in your control. Give this some though and give him six months to come up with what he wants...for the two of you.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Thank you for your response regarding this matter. I thought I would give you an update.
Now, my boyfriend and I and onto our 9 th month of being together. As you recommended, I told him I wanted us to think for the next 4 months to decide what we wanted from this relationship... and to see if our goals match. As you warned, he was spooked... but the next day he told me that I was Īthe oneā he wanted to be with and no one else. He also said that he saw me as a life partner. He is presently not ready for
marriage, (which is fine, for neither am I), but stated that if it comes to that down the road, that he would not have any problems with it. However, he has not yet said that he loves me yet... should I be concerned? Also, for some reason I feel I forced him to say what he said to me... how can I know if he what he told me is true or whether he
said it just to make me happy?
A - Dear Kathy,
About all you can do is see what his actions tell you. (As you well know, there are a gazillion guys who can say ĪI love youā and be lying all the time). Just why it is that he hasnāt said those Īthree little wordsā, I donāt know. It could just be that he doesnāt really know, or is afraid heāll never Īknowā what Īloveā is. I donāt know his family background, but Iād sure relax a lot here if I were you. Some guys are just, well, Īguysā and I swear, they havenāt a clue. Theyāre still fine people, theyāre just undemonstrative all the way around. Now, this is bothering YOU....that could be a signal -- to YOU -- that this may not be a good match. If youāve taken the care to educate yourself well and turn yourself into a fascinating creature, then guys will flock to you like mad and one, more or less, wonāt matter that much....youāll have your pick...and find one who DOES know what the Īfeelingā of love is and who can say the words.
Seriously, he may be feeling crowded and unsure. He may wonder if he ever WILL understand what it is you are asking for and whether heād feel Īloveā with some OTHER woman. This long time of getting to know each other is what the preengagement period is for......marriage isnāt Īadvanced datingā and you sure donāt want to hitch up with someone with whom you canāt do the next 50 (!) years easily. Trust me, the world is full of wonderful people, donāt just latch onto one because heās Īthereā. Give this whole process some more thought in the next few months. He sounds confused about what HE wants....guys sometimes carry a heavy burden just knowing they ARE guys and are responsible for being in charge of the family....that can be scary for a young one just getting into maturity. Lighten up all around here.......you don't want to lasso the wrong guy.
- Annabelle
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