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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My boyfriend from college moved in with me after a year of separation, (he was in Pennsylvania and I was in Connecticut), and everything was great, (with the usual ups & downs), for the past few years. In August his company was bought out and he made a job transfer to Buffalo, NY. All plans were in place for me to move there with him and, 5 days before the move, I asked him what was on his mind .........(I could tell there was something wrong),......... and he told me that he wasn't Îsure if I should move there and he needed time to think about everythingâ.
He is not the cheating kind, so I don't suspect another woman, but I don't know what to think. He says he doesn't know why, he just feels "leery" about the whole thing. I love him more than anything in this world and I cry over this everyday. How can I figure out whether to move on or wait to see if his feelings change??? I want more than anything to be with him and I am so lost without him.
A - Dear Anne,
Well, I havenât a magic wand to make this come out the way you want it to, and you know, all too well, that you should NOT make the move....(thatâs why you wrote). At 22, youâre too young for this kind of relationship and got things all out of developmental order. That you had fun for awhile doesnât nullify that HE knows that his Îmaturational curveâ .....and yours are not on the same track, and that he has a need to do more growing and exploring on his own. (Actually, thatâs what the 20âs are for)....... and, if youâve jumped the gunâ sexually and relationship-wise, then, because things are Îout of orderâ, the pain can be something awful.
Is he rejecting YOU? Well, yes, but Îyouâ includes all that is not right in his world and the exploring that, as a young male, he still needs to do before settling down. I know that you feel you have Îenough love for both of usâ...and that kind of feeling just doesnât cut it........and hurts you a lot. You need to learn to let go and concentrate on yourself. When you reach the point in YOUR development that you will NOT be Îlostâ without Îhimâ, (whoever Îhimâ may be), then you are at the maturational point to link up with an Îotherâ. Rotten logic, dreadful concept ........and still true. This is part of the Îgrowing upâ thatâs so painful. Darn. Youâll get through it....I know it hurts.........youâre not the only one to have made this journey.
- Annabelle
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