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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Two and a half months ago, I got to know a senior that I like in the university. Initially, we were able to communicate very well with each other, even though we didn't really have many things in common. Within that period of time, whenever we talk, I've sensed that he was trying to tell me that he likes me because he kept on mentioning that he's trying to find a girl like me a lot of times.
I even noticed a change in his expression, (like a sense of disappointment or probably he wouldn't have the chance anymore ) whenever I told him that there's Īthis or that guy who likes meā but, after telling him that I wasn't interested in any of them, his expression showed that he felt relieved. During our first conversation,he told me what he's looking for in a relationship with a girl and, surprisingly, they were exactly what I was looking for in a relationship too.
Other than that, I could say that 2 months is a short time to know and trust someone but he shared his hopes, dreams, secrets and he wasn't embraced to tell me that he has financial problems. 3 weeks ago, I saw him talking to another girl, (she's my classmate), and he did tell me before that this girl had been giving him signs that she likes him and it seemed like he was also interested in her a bit. When I first saw them talking together alone, I felt disappointed because the night before, he had called me up and said that he wanted to talk to me and I was really looking forward to talking to him at that time.
After thinking for a while, I was really in doubt. Maybe I was wrong to think that he likes me and at that time, I realized that probably it's wise to just get out of the whole situation instead of waiting for him which could eventually turn out to be nothing at all in the end because that girl is more prettier than me.
Besides, I've been hurt before in the previous relationship and I don't want to be hurt again. After talking to her, he was looking for me but since at that time, I had decided to retreat myself as I didn't think I would have any chance at all if compared to my classmate, I was a bit sarcastic to him and left without letting him say what he was going to say but he did say that he was going to call me before I left. That evening when he called, he sensed that something was wrong after I saw him talking to my classmate but when I asked him whether he's interested in her, he kept on saying that, Īshe has this character that he doesn't likeā, but Īshe has great looksā. He mentioned that he's looking for someone like me but because our connection line wasn't clear at that time, we didn't have the chance to clear things up.
I did arrange a day for us to talk face to face and probably I should tell him my feelings towards him. He told me that for the things I've said after that incident, he knew that I like him but he said that he prefer Malay girls, ( I am a Chinese and he is a Malay ). He just told me not to have too high hopes but he didn't say that he didn't like me at all, either. After hearing him say that,I wasn't sure whether I should tell him my feelings or not......would something change between us? So in the end, I've decided not to because would it make any difference? Knowing that I had some thing on my mind at first, he kept on encouraging me to tell him and that, no matter what was going to be said, if there is fate, nothing would change at all.
Now, we hardly meet each other and I felt like he's avoiding me. Sometimes when we see each other, he just said, Īhiā, and then walk off without saying much unlike before but then his expression still showed that he's still interested in me. However, without him realizing, I did saw him a few times, walking alone and he had the expression of someone who's disappointed. I'm really confused now because I'm not really sure whether he really likes me or not?
What should I do? Should I have told him my feelings or just forget about him like what my friends have advised?
A - Dear Irene,
Gracious! What a complexity! Iāll just be that there are OTHER guys at your university, no? Why not start fresh where thereās not such an emotional muddle? This has just gotten too too messy.
At 19, itās not too early to learn that, when things of no real importance get this Ībunched upā, itās just best to move on. Saves you a LOT of time and lets your brain concentrate on more important stuff................like your studies! (You do notice HE hasnāt written to me?
.......and, for what itās worth re: your comment about not wanting to be Īhurt againā. A very wise person once said, Īif you want to play the game, you have to show upā....āhurtā is a feeling, just like Ījoyā and Īecstasyā..........and all the other feelings, including anger. In life we cannot selectively choose to feel some of them and not all. What we CAN do is learn to discriminate among the feelings to which we will RESPOND.
- Annabelle
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