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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have a problem concerning something that's happened to me a year ago, you see I met a guy, we'll name him JOE, and the situation is, I didn't know what was wrong with me for choosing him, I loved him dearly, unconditionally. The problem arrived shortly after two weeks of dating him. You see, the first two weeks that we dated, he was good, and very nice to me. Then a few weeks later, he began to be Îsheistyâ,he told me that he didn't want anyone to know that we were going out, which led me to believe that somebody else was going out with him, but I can't tell if there was or not, he became emotionally abusive. I
I wear glasses, and whenever we were alone together, he told me to take off my glasses, which made me severely insecure, (even now that I have a supremely supportive fiancee, that treats me like gold), and now I have a complex thanks to the "Joe" person.
I felt ugly when he was around, and there was this dance that "Joe" and I were supposed to go to together, and he stood me up to go with someone else. The problem began with this girl who kept trying so hard to break us up, We'll call her "Nat" She whispered in his ear in front of me, told him that he shouldn't go with me, and the sad things is, I treated him very good,( maybe too good), he made the mistake of telling me that he loved me, and I was crazy to believe him, and that depressed me even more.
I had major crying spells, I had trouble eating, this boy made me go crazy. I'm in Job Corps, and he was too, that's how we met, he was terminated, he used and abused drugs.
The question I want to ask is that, when I began to date someone else, why was "jerk Joe" always following me around? Why was he nice to me one week, then completely changed on me. Why? I would really like to know? He, (Joe), followed, or I should say, "stalked" me, and the guy that I was dating three weeks later at the time.
I began to always look over my shoulder, as if he was always there. It was soo scary, and the sad thing is that everybody told me that "Joe" was a psychopath, and I don't know if I should've believed them. When I found out that night that "Joe" was at the danced he stood me up for, he was with the "Nat" girl, instead of me, and that devastated me, I felt my heart hit the floor. That was the most worst experience I ever had with a boyfriend. He hurt me.
Now I have a hardest time trusting any man again, my new boyfriend, (fiancee), and I have been working on trust techniques to see if I can learn to trust again. I'm scared that my faith in men has been ruined, thanks to "jerkboy Joe".
Should I consult a therapist? I feel that after the incident with "JOE" I'll never be the same again. I want to really trust my new man, we'll call him "sweetheart Ben". What should I do, I'm so worried that my problems will only get worse, I have immense flashbacks whenever my new boyfriend, (fiancee), is late for a get together. What would you suggest, I believe in karma, what will happen to Joe, or is it a possible ! that "Joe" has been through the same thing I have before he met me, who treated him good. Everybody thinks that I want to be with Joe again, that's not true, because I'd die before he put me through that incident again. That was way too depressing. I felt happy with Joe for two weeks, and then I began to have very low self esteem, and people have been telling me that Joe is supposed to come back to "Job Corps soon" what should I do?? Help!!!
A - Dear Heidi,
Well.......I have Îgood news and bad newsâ........âJoeâ is not your problem..........YOU are your problem. You have a need to destroy good things. Why? I have no idea, but, as has been suggested by those who know you, seeing a therapist is not only a good idea, it is most likely the only way you can get to the root of your need to treat yourself so very badly.
Do yourself..... and your fiancee .......a very big favor and find a good psychologist. Dedicate yourself to uncovering the supportive person you would LIKE to be.......and releasing the destructive person you have outlined to me.
Much good fortune in your work on yourself!
- Annabelle
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