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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 24. We have been dating for 10 months now and talking quite seriously about marriage. However, lately, we have been arguing about stupid little things. But what sparks it is because I'm not feeling wanted or needed anymore like I used to from him. Now, all of the sudden, he says he needs some more time to himself to work on the things he used to when he was single, such as weight lifting, focusing more on his religion, etc.
We used to see each other every day and now it's gone to once a week. I am very frustrated although I don't tell him so and don't show him for fear of being needy. But, I am ready to get serious and start making commitments. He, however is withdrawing
big time. I don't want that kind of relationship but don't want to lose him. Should I continue to back off too and let him have his space even though I'm not with it and play it cool?
Should I let him have his space while continuing to be loving to him? Should I drop him and move on because I'm not getting my needs met? Help!
A - Dear Michelle,
Well, in my never-to-be-humble-opinion, you might consider getting yourself to a good psychologist to find out why you have a need to have someone else complete you and give you a good sense of who YOU are.......remember, at 21, youāre still too young to marry, (yes, even in Utah, young adults go through appropriate stage development), and you, with your need to be defined by an other, would be better served by developing your self into a stronger person.
All this Īcleaving unto anotherā , while good stuff, isnāt supposed to DRAIN the Īotherā.........itās supposed to be a synergistic relationship, ......not a subtractive one. YOU are the one who must learn to Īmeet your needsā........other people, especially men, are NOT grocery stores for you to go shopping in.
- Annabelle
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