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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I can't believe that I am writing to someone for advice, this is too weird. I read one of the messages sent to you by a Muslim girl, so I thought that you might be able to give me some advice. I don't know if you believe in the concept of soul mates, but I really do.
In my second year of college, I discovered this guy in school who I had the most intense attraction to. I kept telling my girlfriends that he was Īthe oneā, and, of course they thought that I was crazy, seeing as I didn't even know him and the fact that he is African-American and I am Arabian.
My girlfriends and I were brought up in very strict middle-eastern, Muslim homes and we are not allowed to date, so of course my girlfriends didn't understand how or why I thought that anything could happen between myself and this guy. Well, it seems he was just as interested in me and had been watching me in the hall ways too. He asked a mutual friend to introduce us. Well, I have never dated because of my strict
upbringing, but when he asked me if I would go out with him, everything inside of me said that this wasā rightā.
I explained my situation from the start of our relationship, explaining about my culture and how being with me wouldn't be easy 'cause we pretty much were going to have to keep things on the hush-hush. I also told him that I didn't plan to sleep with him 'cause I don't believe in premarital sex. He told me that he was fine with all of it, and if I was willing to take the chance, he wanted to have a relationship with me.
Well, we dated for about four and a half months with a lot of arguing in between, 'til he finally told me that he couldn't take it any more. He said that he wasā tired of having to sneak around with meā. I told him that he was only breaking up with me 'cause I wouldn't sleep with him.
He ended the relationship by telling me that when I was ready to live my life for myself and not for my family that he would be waiting for me. Well this was two years ago and I haven't gotten over him yet. I believe in my heart that he is my soul mate and that we are going to be together some day. We have kind of kept in touch. The last time I saw him was eight months ago. I called to see how he was doing and he asked if we could get together 'cause he missed me.
Well, we did and again he asked me when I planned to take charge of my life. I tried to explain that being an Arab Muslim girl, isn't easy and that he couldn't understand. He told me that I was free to live with him if I wanted to leave home. My question is, do you think that he cares about me or is it about sex? He never pressured me when we were together.
A - Dear Janeen,
He cares about sex. Ohhhhhhh, I know, forbidden romance is soooooo Īromanticā. But, I will BET you, (and this is one bet you donāt want to take me up on), if you go against your religion, you will regret it for a verrrrry long time. Often, when we are religious, and the parameters are clearly set, what is OUTSIDE the parameters is very, very tempting. This is nothing new. Itās just the way life is. In my never-to-be-humble-opinion, you will be MUCH happier finding a fine young man inside your own faith and maintaining a good long relationship with your family over a very long life.
This guy is just a Ītempting bumpā.
- Annabelle
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