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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My ex-girl friend has started calling me after 2 years of "just being friends" hinting
that she would like to come up and see me at collage. I also found out from her that she has recently broken up with some guy were she lives. I have loved this girl since the moment I saw her, but she thought the relationship was not good enough to continue, (see dumped me).
When she calls she asks me if I ever think back to when we were together. I tell her ćsometimes, I guess,ä but the truth is I think about her every day. She also asks me if Iām seeing anyone. Now I donāt know if she would like to get back together or she just wants to see me. I feel like she is in control of some man. I donāt want to be used and get hurt again. Should I go after her or just be her uncomfortable friend. Please help.
A - Dear Jay,
Well, this is a hard one. Youāre both young and you sound like a really nice guy. She hasnāt had time to develop and mature and, by that, I mean to Īageā considerably and to learn what things in life really matter. It sounds very much as if she just doesnāt want to be alone. If she and you were much older and sheād had the opportunity to understand more clearly just what in life is of real value, or sheād had time to reflect on her behavior and realize that someone of your caliber would be definitely worth keeping, Iād feel more comfortable in saying, Īsure, go aheadā.
The truth is, sheās demonstrated that, at this age and level of maturity, she's not entirely stable and you could be right that she'll be gone with the next tempting guy. (Iāve always thought it a tad unfortunate that, just at the age when our feelings are so intense, thatās itās so easy to pair up with someone who will break our hearts. )
You are maturing as well and, frankly, growth hurts. You sound like a thoughtful young man and, since youth is notoriously a time for a bit of recklessness, you might tell her how you feel and extend the opportunity for a new, (not a continuation of), the relationship. This time, on your terms.
Growing up is hard, but it sounds as if you will survive.......much good fortune to you.
- Annabelle
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