|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, but it seems that everything I do to impress her goes unnoticed. I buy her stuff (like lunch, small trinkets), and she's grateful for them, but I just can't seem to shatter the image of just being friends. I know she is still hung up on a guy that still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend, but she doesn't deserve a guy that still can't decide if he should let go or not.
I'm not pushing her to decide, but every time we talk, the subject of Īhimā comes up.
It kills me every time I hear his name. I try to help her out, and always seem to be there for her when she needs me, but everyone I know says that she's just going to continue to "play" me.
Every time I decide to believe them, she'll do something that gives me a small shred of hope to hang on to, (she kissed me on the cheek the other day, and she agreed to go to a movie with me.).
How do I get this girl to see the mistake she's making with the other guy, and how do I shatter the image of being "just a friend?"
A - Dear Adam,
Well, youāre caught in a classic Ītrapā. The answer is....what you have, you just Īhaveā......and thatās it. The dynamic will not change.....the equation is perfectly balanced and sheās keeping you attached by using that most powerful of emotional tools, Īintermittent reinforcementā.
At 19, you donāt have a wealth of experience and youāre just Īgetting the hangā of dealing with romantic feelings. These are tough years....but you donāt need me to tell you that! As long as sheās Īattachedā to this other guy.....for whatever reason, she
s unavailable to you. Your best move is to get out.....and on with your life. To get stuck in a dynamic, (waiting for it to be YOUR turn), is to waste your time....and your life.
Sorry....these things so rarely Īhealā of their own accord that, when they do, great stories and excitingly romantic movies are written and made. Itās the Īhopeā that keeps you going.......go read ćThe Rules for Being Humanä.........and then find someone who wants YOU. (Not nearly as exciting though).
- Annabelle
|
