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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My question? How do I improve things between my boyfriend and myself. He is also 20. There seems to be lots of tension between us. This is hurting me. Please reply?
A - Dear Leander,
Guys are notoriously indifferent to Îimprovingâ relationships...especially if they have what THEY want. About the only time theyâre really invested in a relationship is if they are thinking of marrying the woman, then they can be very attentive. If youâre having sex with him......which, by the way is not a good plan outside of marriage,......then heâs happy.
Now, the most direct way to improve any kind of relationship is to be clear on what it is that YOU want. Remember, you can NOT change anyone else. You can only change yourself. IF you change yourself, then, by definition, the Îrelationshipâ has to change.....thatâs just the way any system works.
You might try this formulae: You say, ăWhen you do this______ (fill in the blank)__, I feel _____(fill in the blank)__, and, in the future, I would appreciate it if you would, ____________(fill in the blank)_______. Then see what happens. If you donât get the appropriate response the first time, repeat the exercise. If you STILL donât get an appropriate response, well, you have your answer.
Now itâs up to YOU to make a move.....and the Îmoveâ may be to tell him Îgoodbyeâ.
- Annabelle
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